The Dull me

It has been a very funny feeling ever since I have returned from Luxembourg. Today, it has been a month of me being in my final year, with well nothing to do really. There was something that always kept me busy all these past three years; rather all this while since I grew up from Grade IV to my 3rd year end at IIT Kharagpur.

Lets review.
- As a kid, it was the hunger for excelling in academics. Play kiddish wars, and trying to out score the others. Funny na.. lol... That was till Grade X.
- XI and XII had JEE in sight.
- 1st year, beginning was something to do a department change (didnt really study that much, but still.. :p ). The second semester saw my first brush with kgp extra-acads 'e-cell' :)
- The Second year started, and MS Hall was allotted! Crap had happened!! Then, RP was allotted. I became an SF member. Time flew, and January came before I realized. Some stuff with the alumni cell, and increased activity in the hall in February :p Went to the states, did a decent internship. Had fun, and life was just beginning to take shape.
- The third year started, and I became a head. Organizing Core Team Head Spring Fest 2008. It was time to "shake things up", and we bloody well did. The first SF teaser poster which me and dora decided on, so fondly reminds me how we saw it as the portrayal of the winds of change. Then SF 2k8 happened. The Academic session ended soon. Went on an internship. Big place, big company, decent internship. Europe was fun.
- Fourth year... and nothing to do. There are a few things. Got some acads, a B. Tech Project, CAT, Placements as all others and some social stuff and another thing. All this, but no passion, no vigor, no josh!

It seems so lifeless now. Goal less now. This me is not seeing where he heads.
All this while, life was busy. Time flew. We used to hate being so busy :p
Today, it stands still. It doesnt pass. You watch movies, soaps, listen to songs, bhaat maro with friends to kill time; but at the end of the day, you still dont have a goal. You are trying to run away.
One on hand, one can say that theres so much that one can do; on the other, one can say "When your hearts not into it, its not into it."
I am not excited about my placements; barely give a shit to CAT, but am doing it all the same; dont have a BTech Project topic!; have been seeking some motivation, a train to the next station with no clue what the next station is. A month has passed, and I am where I was.
Its so dull; all the excitement is lost. That single minded focus and that want to really get something seems to have just dissapeared.

And holy cow, an empty mind is a devil's workshop and this devil is getting on me real fast :p
It does seem like I have stopped walking.

I realize this day : "Purpose is Important... Purpose is All"

Any counselors out there? I can pay good :P lolzzz